Quick Help for Sadness

In 2001, I created a brief online tool that has proven fairly popular. I'm migrating it here.

How would you like to have a tool that would allow you to get out of a gloomy mood quickly and achieve an experience of confidence and calm?

Experienced therapists help clients do this by asking strategic questions at key moments in therapy. Based on years of work as a mental health professional, I have developed a list of the most effective questions therapists use to help clients find a way out of sad and depressed moods. These questions come out of my own clinical experience and informal study of masterful psychologists and what they do. I have used them to help many clients, and chances are good that they can help you as well.
You can try out the system yourself right now. If you would like to get the full benefits of using it, you should consult this list five times a day for at least three weeks. If merely reading the questions doesn't help, you might try writing out answers several times (in a spirit of cooperativeness) and seeing what happens.

To get started now, read over each question below, silently. After reading each question, take a deep breath, let it out, and then move on to the next question.

Sometimes a question will help you find a fresh perspective on whatever is making you sad.

Sometimes a question will be irrelevant. Occasionally a question may make you feel a little worse. Depending on your past experiences, reviewing the questions may be a little annoying. Applying yourself to them is likely to make that reaction go away and leave you with benefits.

However, for many people, at least one of the questions will be just the thing to help you turn your mood around.

Read each question below, and after your read each one, let it settle in the mind, think of an answer, and then move on.

What could you learn from this situation that would help you in other places in your life?

If things go well in the situation that is making you sad, what do you think this situation willlook like when you remember it next year? What will it look like many years from now?

What is the worst thing that is really likely to happen in this situation? If that happened, what good things would you still be able to enjoy?

What can you do now to make the worst case scenario less likely? What can you do now to make the worst case scenario less threatening?

What can you do now to take care of yourself - to make yourself feel calmer or more comfortable? How can you make sure to do those things?

What stories have you been telling yourself about the situation that is making you sad? Can you think of a more empowering or helpful story?

Should you put yourself first in this situation?

Have you been putting other people's needs and wants too far ahead of your own? If so, why do you think their needs and wants are more important than your own?

What is the most pleasurable thing about this moment right now?

Think of someone you admire. How might that person look at the situation that is making you sad? What would that person do?

What is your overall mission in life right now? What would that have you do? How are you doing lately in terms of your most important priorities?

Are you trying to do more than is reasonable in light of your resources? Can you allow yourself to set your aim a little more realistically?

What is the reality of this depressing situation? What is the real threat? What is your goal? How can you work toward it?

If a close friend of yours were in the situation that is making you sad, what would you say to help them get through it? What would you want to help your friend see? What would you want to help your friend do?

What is so terrible about this moment right now? Are you making yourself miserable un-necessarily, in anticipation of something unpleasant, or by holding on to something past?

What advantages do you have in this sad situation that you would not have in some other circumstance that looks better to you now?

What is the best thing that has happened to you in the past few days or weeks? Can you remember to hold on to some of the small joys of daily life, such as the smile of a happy child or the scent of a rose in bloom or the colors of sunrise or sunset?

What healthy things have you done to get through sad times before?